Grace

My beautiful Raelynn was born March 3rd around 1 pm. I always envisioned the birth of my first child to overwhelm me to the point of tears of joy but honestly it was the complete opposite. I remember the moment the nurse placed her on my chest I felt overwhelmed but not full of joy but full of doubt. I thought to myself wow she’s absolutely beautiful but how in the world can I live up to be the mother she deserves? God sent me a beautiful baby girl to love and raise but in the midst of this blessing I could only focus on myself and how unprepared and undeserving I was of this blessing.

Truth be told I couldn’t be more undeserving of Raelynn or any other blessing God has given me (including salvation) but through the blood of Christ I have been restored, redeemed and made righteous! But this pureness of being made whole through God only comes by way of my faith in Him and through my faith in Him I will find myself in a place of peace as He directs and guides me (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Life post partum was is hard. I found myself crying to sleep most nights not because Raelynn was up crying or because I was overwhelmed by the amount of feedings or diaper changes, but rather because I allowed condemnation to creep in. I was in fear that God would separate me from His gift of love because I knew I was so undeserving. But my unworthiness wasn’t a condition of God’s love for me. Nothing can ever separate me from His love (Romans 8:38).But yet this was a truth I couldn’t fathom because I had lost my identity and faith in His promises. I failed to realize that although my flesh is undeserving, I have been renewed and restored and made righteous in His eyes. I wasn’t able to see myself the way He sees me. This undeserving privilege should be walked out confidently and in great joy! (Romans 5:2)

So with a renewed mind I’m in understanding that my identity doesn’t rest in motherhood. That overwhelming feeling of motherhood is not of God. The anxiety and lack of peace I have about being a mother tells me this. If I had my faith and hope in God as my role in motherhood I would be in peace and joy. Faith in Him brings joy. But the catch also is He never wanted me to rest my identity in being Raelynn’s mama. Yes it’s the job and blessing He’s given me in this season, but it was never intended to be THE job. I’m a mama, wife, daughter, teacher, friend and so much more but my identity doesn’t rest in any of those things. My identity rests in Him alone!

Raelynn is honestly so perfect for our little family. If we would have sat down and made a list of everything we would have wanted in a daughter it still wouldn’t have amounted to everything she is to us. But just as God perfectly placed her into our lives right now, He’s also graced me to be everything she needs in a mother. God has already instilled in me everything Raelynn needs in a mama, it just takes my faith and asking of Him to simply bring it out.

So I’m no longer worrying about how to perfect myself into the role as a mother but continuing to believe everything God has said about me. Just as in love as I am with Raelynn, He is also with me. I am His most prized possession and so much more! His precious thoughts of me are endless! (James 1:18; Psalm 139:17)

Whether its motherhood, or your position in your career, or as a new wife or wherever you are in life right now He has a purpose for you as long as you walk in His will. YOU are His most prized possession and He cares deeply for you. So cast the pressures of life onto Him, rest, give yourself grace and walk easy beautiful.

 

 

xoxo.