My beautiful Raelynn was born March 3rd around 1 pm. I always envisioned the birth of my first child to overwhelm me to the point of tears of joy but honestly it was the complete opposite. I remember the moment the nurse placed her on my chest I felt overwhelmed but not full of joy but full of doubt. I thought to myself wow she’s absolutely beautiful but how in the world can I live up to be the mother she deserves? God sent me a beautiful baby girl to love and raise but in the midst of this blessing I could only focus on myself and how unprepared and undeserving I was of this blessing.

Truth be told I couldn’t be more undeserving of Raelynn or any other blessing God has given me (including salvation) but through the blood of Christ I have been restored, redeemed and made righteous! But this pureness of being made whole through God only comes by way of my faith in Him and through my faith in Him I will find myself in a place of peace as He directs and guides me (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Life post partum was is hard. I found myself crying to sleep most nights not because Raelynn was up crying or because I was overwhelmed by the amount of feedings or diaper changes, but rather because I allowed condemnation to creep in. I was in fear that God would separate me from His gift of love because I knew I was so undeserving. But my unworthiness wasn’t a condition of God’s love for me. Nothing can ever separate me from His love (Romans 8:38).But yet this was a truth I couldn’t fathom because I had lost my identity and faith in His promises. I failed to realize that although my flesh is undeserving, I have been renewed and restored and made righteous in His eyes. I wasn’t able to see myself the way He sees me. This undeserving privilege should be walked out confidently and in great joy! (Romans 5:2)

So with a renewed mind I’m in understanding that my identity doesn’t rest in motherhood. That overwhelming feeling of motherhood is not of God. The anxiety and lack of peace I have about being a mother tells me this. If I had my faith and hope in God as my role in motherhood I would be in peace and joy. Faith in Him brings joy. But the catch also is He never wanted me to rest my identity in being Raelynn’s mama. Yes it’s the job and blessing He’s given me in this season, but it was never intended to be THE job. I’m a mama, wife, daughter, teacher, friend and so much more but my identity doesn’t rest in any of those things. My identity rests in Him alone!

Raelynn is honestly so perfect for our little family. If we would have sat down and made a list of everything we would have wanted in a daughter it still wouldn’t have amounted to everything she is to us. But just as God perfectly placed her into our lives right now, He’s also graced me to be everything she needs in a mother. God has already instilled in me everything Raelynn needs in a mama, it just takes my faith and asking of Him to simply bring it out.

So I’m no longer worrying about how to perfect myself into the role as a mother but continuing to believe everything God has said about me. Just as in love as I am with Raelynn, He is also with me. I am His most prized possession and so much more! His precious thoughts of me are endless! (James 1:18; Psalm 139:17)

Whether its motherhood, or your position in your career, or as a new wife or wherever you are in life right now He has a purpose for you as long as you walk in His will. YOU are His most prized possession and He cares deeply for you. So cast the pressures of life onto Him, rest, give yourself grace and walk easy beautiful.

 

 

xoxo.

Raelynn,

Your daddy and I are anxiously counting down the days until we get to meet you, and although we haven’t physically met you yet we both love you to the point it’s already hard to imagine our little family without you. While you’re currently inside my belly growing and moving away we’re out here doing everything we can to prepare for your big arrival! Aside from all the physical preparations, I can’t help but think of all the life lessons & experiences I want you to learn. I dream daily of you becoming a confident, compassionate girl who has a heart for God & His people. I know this sounds like a lot but I want you to know, God-willing, I will always be by your side praying for you & guiding you so that you can chase your wildest dreams & the plans God has predestined for your life (Ephesians 2:10). I know at times the world may seem like a big scary place & others aren’t always the nicest, but trust me it’s all a distraction from the big picture. The big picture of the woman you’re destined to blossom into and the people’s lives you’re going to influence with your kindness (1 Peter 2:10).

I know the world may often try to label you and tell you who they think you are but I want you to always know who you are. I want you to know who God has called you to be & even at this very moment as you’re squirming inside of me He has plans for you. He is forming you right now as we speak to be fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14). All that He asks of you is to commit your heart and mind to Him & to trust the plans He has for you (Proverbs 16:1-4). Now don’t get me wrong, we understand life won’t always be easy and you’re bound to make mistakes, but that’s what we’re here for. We’re here to love you and encourage you even when you think you’ve messed up beyond reconciliation. We’re here to tell you that we will love you no matter what & that we serve a Father who always has His arms stretched out waiting for you to return home. So don’t ever think that you’ve fallen out of grace or that you now have to hide in shame or guilt. His grace is sufficient & His power works best in weakness. This is the type of love that has been demonstrated to your dad and I & it’s the same love that is extended to you. Aside from knowing that we could never stop loving you, I want you to know that He won’t as well.

That was heavy, I know. But it’s my heart’s desire that you don’t make the same mistakes I did. I want you to grow up to be so much stronger and confident than I was. Because of this desire, it may seem at times that we’re being hard on you or not letting you live your life, but I promise you one day you’ll understand. Most of our time together won’t be filled with these tough conversations though. In fact when I found out you were a little princess all I could think about was all the Disney Princess movies we’re going to watch together or all the tea parties and dress up games we’re going have together. I especially can’t wait until you become old enough to have mani/pedi days or go on shopping trips. Your dad is a basketball fanatic, so I’m sure he’s anticipating the days you start walking so he can drag you to the basketball court to dribble the ball with him. What he probably doesn’t know yet is that you’ll probably convince him to take you down the Barbie aisle to “look” at a new doll when you two were only supposed to be out for milk, and being the awesome man he is he’ll probably cave in.

If you can’t tell, we’re absolutely ecstatic for your arrival and we want you to always remember that we love you more than you can ever imagine.

xoxo.

There’s purpose behind every obstacle. This is something I heard God say to me clear as day in the recent months. For the past couple months I have been glued to my bed. Partially because I was physically out of commission but mostly because I was also spiritually under attack. It’s funny how we hear so often that when we plan God laughs, but when life actually takes a turn in a different direction we begin to question God. Unfortunately, I am guilty as charged when it comes to making plans and wanting to stick to my own script. This past June Shawn and I saw God answering all of our prayers and then some, but we were also surprised with an even bigger blessing that was not a part of our plan. Shawn and I will be welcoming our first bundle of joy next year. Although now I am absolutely stoked and looking forward to having a little one to love on, raise and dedicate to God, this wasn’t my first reaction to my positive pregnancy stick. Initially I was scared, confused and absolutely frustrated things didn’t go exactly how we had planned.

I realize now that if I wasn’t so stuck on my own plans I could’ve saved myself so much stress and heartache in the recent months. I see now that I wasn’t truly trusting God and I was leaning on my own understanding. To my simple mind, all the plans that Shawn and I were counting on would simply be wiped away with the birth of a child. I was simply putting God in a box and not understanding that this child is one of the biggest possible blessings He could give us in addition to the rest of our heart’s desires. I didn’t understand that His plans are bigger than my own, and He saw fit to not fulfill my heart’s desires but to also entrust me with a little one to bring along with for the ride.

This experience has taught me just how merciful and great God is. Despite my moping and complaining, God continued to open doors and pour more blessings unto us that sets us up perfectly to prepare for this next step. It’s amazing how He still continued to demonstrate the same grace and mercy He showed me when I was diligently seeking and trusting Him when I was doubting Him. Over the past year, Shawn and I have been working on taking our faith to the next level. It’s funny because we both admit that while we’re quick to claim how much we trust God, we’re also quick to question his voice and question His word versus what we physically see around us. I’m thankful though for a husband that called us both out on it earlier this year and has been guiding us to walk more in truly trusting and reacting quickly to God’s voice.

So I’m officially excited to announce that in March 2018 we will welcome this little nugget into the world! My heart is absolutely full because I know that this little blessing is part of a bigger plan than I could ever think of myself.

 

 

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

xoxo